(Interchange between Lucy and Ryne, my nephew)
Lucy: I like your spy kit you got. Tomorrow in the morning will you come and wake me up with it?
Me: Well, that probably won't work out. Why don't both of you play with it after you get up?
[Pause...with no reaction whatsoever to the killjoy mother in the room]
Lucy: Are you an early riser?
Christmas morning when Elaine decided to wake up at 5:30 a.m. aka the middle of the freakin' night
Me (in a whisper; getting into the guestroom bed yet again): Shhhhh. Lie down here. Go back to sleep. It's still night-night time.
(Lots of thrashing and flailing about as she gets into position)
Elaine (in her chainsmoker voice, after ginormous hawking cough one millimeter from my face): HI MOMMY!
Elaine: "MEET ME IN ST. LOOOEEEE LOOOOEEEE, MEET ME AT THE FAIR!"