Saturday, January 02, 2010

Things That Are Not

I love new beginnings and fresh starts. My favorite time is spring, when everything is new. I also love when the new school year begins. And even though I hate winter, I love turning the (new) calendar page to January--when I can tear down all the decorations, pitch the tree to the curb, throw out the stale cookies, put the new clothes we got for Christmas in the closet, and start afresh. See? I love to change my blog background, and I got a little thrill putting up a new quote and starting a brand new booklist for 2010.

I'm not sad to say goodbye to 2009. That was one rough year, and not just for me. I have friends who miscarried, whose marriages broke up, who lost loved ones to suicide, who lost loved ones to heart attacks and cancer. There's always a little part of me (the control part) that would like to know the future. Mostly though, I'm glad I don't. Like Jesus said, I've got enough worry just for today.

I've got a dear friend who starts the new year with a word: something that she holds in her heart and sets her goals by--maybe "self-control," or "joy" or "follow through." I think that's such a great idea: having a fresh start, a blank page, a word to center around and work toward.

I have to say, I honestly can't think of one for me this year. I've been dreading 2010. I can catch a glimpse into this future, and I know that death is crouching at the door of our family. Our world is going to change. There's going to be one empty space at the table, and you know what? There could be more. I just don't know. None of us could have predicted the bad things that happened in 2009.

Oh, I've got some words for 2010: "dread" "sleepless" "hopeless," but I'm not wanting to center my life around those.

I figure I need a verse, something for me to hang onto, to memorize--that will carry me through both what I sort of know and what I don't know is coming up ahead for me. Can I tell everyone on the Internet a little secret while I'm at it? I've got some Psalms memorized that I love: the 23rd of course, Psalm 91, Psalm 121, Psalm 4:8. But whenever I just open up the book, desperate for some comfort--I can't ever find just what I'm looking for. I know! Nobody else is like that. I always seem to find the really happy, praise ones or the ones about smiting enemies or something, I don't know. Maybe I need to take a Psalms class (again).

Then I found this verse in Romans: (Rom. 4:17) "As it is written: 'I have made you a father of many nations.' He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed—the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were."

The first part is talking about Abraham; it's the second part that really got to me "the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were."

So, all the things that I can see around me that not, God calls them as though they were. I say "hopeless," and God says, "hope for the future." I say, "perplexed," He says, "not in despair." I say, "lonely;" He says, "never abandoned." I say, "by sight;" He says, "by faith." I say, "broken;" He says, "redeemable." I say, "bedridden;" He says, "dancing with joy." I say, "dead, death, dying," and He says, "Resurrection!"

I don't have super high hopes for 2010. I love being with my family and doing work I enjoy. That's huge, and it's a comfort for me. Jesus promises that He'll never leave or forsake me and that He stays the same--yesterday, today, and forever. I've got more than I need and far more than I deserve in that alone. And I've got a God who gives life to the dead and call things that are not as though they were.

It's beyond what I could ask or think. I'm looking forward to seeing what He will do in 2010!


toby m said...

amen, sister.

Kacie said...

It's odd. The vast majority of blogs I've read have said the last year was the hardest of their lives. I wonder if that is because of the average age of bloggers is that which is dealing with death of parents and marriages struggling - and the economic and political situation of the country influencing things? Or is it perhaps because we write when we are in pain?