This morning I talked to Elizabeth Rapuleng in South Africa. I wanted to find out how Moali is doing. The answer was not good. Three weeks ago, Moali wanted to kill herself. She can't take it anymore, living with a woman who is so cruel and abusive to her. It doesn't sound as though her social worker is either doing or able to do much to get her into boarding school. The money that we sent to help her is tied up in South Africa's very complicated banking system, and some of it will be subtracted by them before (or even if) it ever gets to Elizabeth. The good news is that she did get the packages and letters we sent to her.
I've got to say I am so discouraged today. I'm not sure I've ever felt so powerless and helpless in my life. The girls and I went to Wal-Mart this morning and picked out some spring clothes to send to Moali. I think it was just a feeble attempt to make me feel better than at least I'm doing something.
I've spent my (brief) alone time today, alternating between tears and prayer. This is not my battle. It's God's. I'm not sure what He's doing, but I'm asking Him to hammer on my faith in order to strengthen it.
I've been listening to this too: http://www.jamesmacdonald.com/classics_signature.aspx (#2: "The Way God Works"). If anyone stumbles across this blog, with everything in me, I wish you'd click on this and listen; right now it's the only thing really keeping me hanging on, and I'm betting I'm not alone in feeling frustration, desperation, and...who knows what else with life today.
I'm keeping this record of Moali in this journal because I think of her as my third daughter. I'm keeping it to show Lucy and Elaine because I'm believing this is going to have a phenomenal ending. It's not over yet; she's still here.
It's not over.